I was lying in bed when all of these thoughts began to run through my mind. Then, I just stopped thinking, shed a tear, and said “God I know you have a plan, and I trust you.”
After going through so much these past two years and recently losing a few people that meant so much to me, I get overwhelmed and just wonder why. Not because I don’t trust God, but because I just wonder why certain events happen in life that cause pain. People always say: “Just know that there’s a purpose to your pain. Trust this process and journey. Know God has a plan and a purpose for your life.” It’s just hard to always remember that He does have a plan and remember that you don’t know better or more than God.
I’ll be honest and say that I’ve been in a weird space recently where I feel alone, and I feel like I’m searching for “something” that I can’t find. One moment, I’m busy living this great life and the next moment I can’t help but think “there has to be more than this. I could be or should be doing something else.” But I’m starting to realize that sometimes, especially for me right now, it’s best to stand still and ask God about things before moving to the next thing.
I’m not a big fan of silence or not being busy, specifically when I feel bogged down with worries and life. However, I’m adjusting to being okay with silence and being still. It’s one of the most uncomfortable things to do, but there’s no growth in comfort, which is a lesson I’ve been learning for a few months now.
This post has no fancy title, no “real encouragement.” There really isn’t even a purpose for this post. And I’m sure there are all types of grammatical errors. I just needed to write/type. I had the choice of writing in my journal or writing on my blog. So I chose my blog!
To whoever is reading this, know that you’re not alone in maybe feeling uncomfortable, or feeling like you’re searching for something, or that you’d much rather know all the answers than be left with a ton of questions. Everyday I have to remind myself that God loves me. That He has a plan and that He hears my prayers and sees my tears. He knows me from the inside out. And if just find comfort in Him while being a bit uncomfortable and alone, that everything will be okay…. Yep, everything is going to be okay.
(And allow God to control your emotions and feelings. Think on positive things, and do away with the negative.)